Strange Symbol: Sigilyph

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Destinie
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Strange Symbol: Sigilyph

Post by Destinie »

So for anyone who is following me on twitter knows that for a while I have been working on converting my Sigilyph Fanlisting into a shrine and fanlisting.

So I have been trying something different and I want to do a shrine in a more narrative style and make it seem like you are reading a scientist's journal rather than another shrine with my general Pokemon shpeals. The issue is, now, I have hit sort of a wall in my narrative and I'm not quite sure what direction to take.

Here's the link to what I have so far (approv. 6 pages):

https://docs.google.com/document/d/13dr ... sp=sharing

I would appreciate any feedback on direction, grammar, etc. And please let me know if you think this is working at all or not at all. I'd be willing to try something different at this point. I think I am burnt out from writing this for weeks and am second guessing myself.

Thanks in advance!
Robin
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Re: Strange Symbol: Sigilyph

Post by Robin »

Really awesome concept! I will try to help where I can. (You might want to make the google doc commentable so it's easier to suggest stuff within the document? I think that is possible, at least ^_^;)

- OMG I love the tone and structure of the opening paragraphs <3<3<3<3 really sets the scene!
- Page 1, under "10 Spring 1900": "A whirling wind blew past us and sent the lights twirling up into the air." What kind of lights?
- Page 2, under "22 Spring 1900": "It was not a sandstorm as it was too short and not quite as widespread, indeed, it cleared up rapidly..." Needs a semicolon between "widespread" and "indeed," and might need a comma after rapidly (but that depends on whether that fits with your character's speaking style. As this character is a scientist and jotting down notes quickly, a comma may pause the flow of thought too much).
- Eee I finally see what you're doing with the entry titles and the site organization ("25 Spring 1900 -- Movesets") <3<3<3
- Page 4, fourth paragraph: "Now, I am a Voltologist by trade..." Is this supposed to be Volatologists?
- Same spot: "Now, I am a Voltologist by trade and have encountered very few psychic Pokemon, (it would be worth noting that these Pokemon were the first we had encountered of their type)" No comma needed before the opening parenthesis--just need one after the closing parenthesis
- Page 4, 32 Spring 1900: " After a few weeks of referring to Ra and his troupe 'that Pokemon'"--should be "Ra and his troupe as 'that Pokemon'".
- OOOOOOOO connection with the Nazca Lines on page 5!! LOVE IT <3<3<3

Man, you've done a fantastic job with this so far, Destinie!! I love this creative narrative approach--it feels like something straight out of the anime, and is so engaging.

Some suggestions in going forward with the narrative (to fill out the other headings):
- Breeding: Maybe Jane Juniper and an assistant find baby Sigilyph in a hidden/unlikely/random spot?
- Additional Movesets: Maybe the Sigilyph respond strangely to an invading Pokemon/other sudden threat using never-before-documented moves?
- Base Stats and Types: This could be like a "summary" article, where Jane Juniper goes back over her notes and observations to gather together what she now knows concretely about Sigilyph. Or perhaps, she uses some kind of instrument to record power levels, etc?

I hope this helps you! But from what I can tell, you're well on your way to an amazing fanlisting/shrine!
~ a dream is a wish your heart makes ~
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Lethe
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Re: Strange Symbol: Sigilyph

Post by Lethe »

Hey, Destinie, I just wanted to let you know I skimmed the draft you've uploaded, and, in addition to what I've said about your concept and layout, I love it. I can't offer much input at the moment or comment on the grammar due to lack of time, but I'm sure Robin did a great job on it already - and I AM SUPER EXCITED about the suggestions she made regarding direction, too, especially about "Breeding" and "Base Stats and Types". (I can see why you feel like you've hit a wall there LOL.)

The narrative flows well, but the best thing is how the ongoing narrative is well-structured and broken up by the data that you want to focus on. o___o It's incredible you managed to combine the two without it becoming a mess that switches back and forth. Please keep those "Update"s in, too, they're lovely!

Take some time with this shrine if writing this is exhausting, but know that there's definitely an audience for this. <3
Both despair and ecstasy are part of the elements that compose a person.
dubiousdisc
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Re: Strange Symbol: Sigilyph

Post by dubiousdisc »

Destinie! I'm sorry for not replying to this any sooner, but here we go!

First and foremost I wanted to say that this is BRILLIANT. This is really the sort of stuff that I would want to read, and you're writing it!

I love the voice you've given to this character.

So, my ideas:
- On the movesets section, I would be curious to know how exactly did they use the mentioned moves. Did they use them against each other? Another Pokemon? What?

- This just me gushing: OMG THE BIRDIES TELEPATHICALLY ASKING FOR BERRIES AHhhhhh

- AAHHhhh the putting together of the japanese name and the transliteration I love it

- You know what you should talk about? You should talk about Natu and Xatu! Look at this and this! This is very related!

For the rest I'd say LISTEN TO ROBIN she has great points :D

One writing correction:

"Something most extraordinary happened this past night, which is why I am writing in this journal, that awoke us all from a most sound slumber." - I would rewrite this in such a way that it doesn't sound like it was the journal to wake them up!
Destinie
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Re: Strange Symbol: Sigilyph

Post by Destinie »

THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE FEEDBACK!!!

@Robin I'm so glad I can ask actual writers to help me out here. Thanks so much for the grammar and spell checking - I really need it. XD And thanks for the suggestions! I do need more ideas because I am pretty stuck right now.

@Lethe Thank you! I am so glad you three all like the narrative approach! I wanted to do something but I didn't want it to seem stale. x_x I do need to come back to this at some point but I'm so stuck ahaha but I think your feedback is helpful!

@Dubs YES these ideas are great thank you!! I am going to take this and run with it! And I want to see if I can do more with adding more personality to the birds themselves and create some characters. It's sort of like...I'm writing my own fan fiction??
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