I think it's a bit of a stretch to say that Sansa
"killed" her father. Like I said, there were many factors, and even if you disagree with me about Ned's own involvement, it's undeniable that the only person who killed him was Joffery, because Cersei and the rest only wanted to make him go away to the Wall, and take his power away.
A friend of mine pointed this out, and while I don't fully believe it, I think it's nonetheless a good point. Ned expected Cersei to back down because she was a woman, and he expected her to bend to his will, and be obedient. And this reminds me of when Cersei says to Ned, "And what of my wraith?" Because Ned forgets that Cersei holds a ton of power, and he thinks by threatening her, she'll just do what he says.
Sansa let the queen know, but that was just one step.
Littlefinger warned Ned, Renly warned Ned, and even Cersei had given her own version of the warning when Ned first confronted her. And ultimately, it was Littlefinger who lies to Ned and turns him over to Cersei, so I think it's a bit unfair to put most of the blame on Sansa.
Sansa was the one who knew least about the cruelty of others, and expected people to be as kind and noble as her own family, as she knew no differently. And this whole part of the plot goes to show how much Sansa was mistaken, and how much she paid for her innocence, because she was punished for it.
She watched as her father was beheaded and then had to live amongst the people who killed him and pretend so she can survive, all while weathering Joffery's abuse.
Which leads us to Sandor. He is no romantic figure by any stretch of the word, and it's nothing to do with his disfigurement. He represents the hero/knight that Sansa always heard in her songs, but instead of gallant and handsome, he is ugly and cruel. He is kinder to her than the rest of the Kingsguard (which isn't saying much, since the rest of them are pretty terrible), save for
Arys Oakheart, who cannot bare to hit Sansa, and in the end gladly (and somewhat cowardly) chooses to avoid it by going off with Myrcella to Dorne. Sandor is not the savior Sansa would have chosen, but he is the one she gets (along with Tyrion).
As for your argument that Sansa would have been better off if she had left with Sandor, I've always been extremely thankful she hesitated at the end and did not go with him, because in the next book,
Sandor reveals his regrets and pointed says he should have had Sansa when he had the chance. And bu this, he means to have her virginity. I don't doubt had she left with him, he probably would have forced her and raped her in some fashion
, because no matter how "kind" and useful to her in King's Landing, he is still cruel and ruthless.
Intellect and wisdom are not always the same thing, that is true. But I think it's a little unfair to hold Sansa up to have "wisdom," and when she lacks it, to call her a failure and belittle her for it, because she is a young girl, and at her age, to have her level of intellect is to say a lot in itself. Wisdom comes with experience, and Sansa is still getting there.
As for strength, I think it's a bit sexist for people to say Sansa is weak because she doesn't "fight" or uses weapons, because that buys into the stereotype that in order to be strong, you have to fight with manly weapons like swords. The only reason that is considered strong is because men have done it for as long as we've been living, and it's what's expected. It's something that was created by a male-dominated society. So to say Sansa is weak because she doesn't fight with swords like Arya is to say girls can only be strong when they act like boys.
Sansa, like Cersei, uses the only "weapons" available to her. Cersei uses her sex, while Sansa uses her innocence. Sansa acts the way people want her to act so she can survive. She plays them just as Cersei plays with them, except with less malice. By A Feast for Crows,
Sansa is at her best. She plays along with Littlefinger so that he'll take care of her and teach her, and she plays with little Robert Arryn so that he behaves. In fact, Sansa becomes his favorite, because Sansa is the one who knows how to best handle him.
Tyrion saw this in her as well. Sansa has a natural talent for picking up how to compliment and make people happy, and Tyrion remarks that had Joffery given her the chance, she would have made a wonderful Queen. Sansa would have made anyone a wonderful wife. But when she is thrown in the lion's den, she doesn't know who to trust, and that's when she no longer freely give her kindness.
Catelyn is not my favorite, but I don't think it's fair to say she "caused the war." Because really, the trigger was
Ned's head and Joffery being illegitimate. There was also many factors that contributed in the end, and I think Cat paid enough when she lost Ned.
As for comparing Sansa to the other Stark children in terms of maturity. I still stand by that Sansa is the only one who could play the game.
Spoilers for A Storm of Swords, so don't read if you don't want major spoilers for that. Let's start with Robb.
I think he's probably the worst example to use if we're talking about winning the game, because he lost. He lost big time. Robb was great on the battle field, but while he was ingenious with battle tactics, he ultimately failed when it came to the political side. He naively marries Jeyne Westerling because he couldn't bare taking her virginity and not marrying her, thinking it nobler to not dishonor her like that. Instead he dishonors his oath to marry one of Walder Frey's daughters, which leads to the Freys betraying Robb at the Red Wedding. He also showed weakness when it came to listening to his mother, because Catelyn warned him not to send Theon Greyjoy back to Pyke as envoy. Catelyn may never have liked Theon, but she could see Theon wanted acknowledgment and as soon as he was out of their reach, Theon would seek it with his own family. And Theon did exactly that. Losing Theon ultimately led to losing Winterfell, and losing Winterfell ultimately led to losing the Bolton support. When Robb lost the North, Roose Bolton decided it was not so beneficial to support Robb, and joined alliance with Tywin Lannister in plotting the Red Wedding with Walder Frey.
As for Arya, she's far too reckless to ever play the game.
In the show, she boldly claims that "most girls are stupid," and while some people laughed with her thinking she was right, it illustrates that Arya knows very little of the world. She only views her version of things, and never thinks about different types of women and strength. She's great at killing and fighting, but she could never put on a mask and pretend to love the people she hates, and it's this trait that would ultimately get her killed or imprisoned in a worst state if she had been in Sansa's shoes. She only manages to shed her skin and put on masks when she trains with the Faceless Men, but even then, it takes ages for her to let go of her revenge.
Arya is great, but her strength is different than Sansa's, and it's not so easy to say she really "grows up" through the story, but rather changes through her training.
Bran on the other hand
, is probably too simple-minded. He dreams of being a knight, and forever mourns the fact he can't now, because he is crippled. When Meera and Jojen Reed tell him stories, he gets bored and wants the stories to be stereotyped and heroic, not realizing that the story the Reeds tell him is real. We can never expect him to know they were talking about the tourney that led to Lyanna being taken away by Rhaegar, because there's no way he could have known it, since Ned never talked about it, but Bran's comments on the story shows that he too is stuck on fantasy songs of gallantry like Sansa. Bran is not sneaky or manipulative, and his story is always tied to the nature and the old gods.
Davos is too loyal and noble, and that's probably why he comes off as a bit boring. I love Davos because he's just so loyal and good. And the one quote he says that best describes him is, "A fool who loved his king too much."